I have to laugh at my delighted reaction to the first comment I received on my blog. Wild excitement! Someone is reading my stuff.
Well, no, actually, it’s probably some kid in Russia who doesn’t even understand the language, practicing his English. But I was thrilled nonetheless. Which underscores how hungry I am for strokes. I know I’m not alone in that.
As time goes on all of the comments I’ve gotten so far are spam. Some are obvious, like referrals to Eastern European sex and prostitution sites, but others are more subtle.
I’ve left a few of them up to give you the exact flavor. They’re generic “Hey this is great” messages from people who may not even speak English very well. They refer to the site content not at all, or only generically.. My assumption is that these are kids or teens playing some kind of “Who can get their name on the most web sites” game. Harmless enough, but the thing that strikes me is my own reaction to them. Regardless of how banal the comments are, some part of me is pleased and encouraged. As you can see, I’m not starting out with a whole slew of postings (I’ve been working on a technical tutorial on the vim text editor that has come to a halt for lack of time and interest). But even canned praise draws my energy back to the blog.
All this just reinforces what I already know: Praise is a powerful psychological tool.
The positive effects of praise, and the negative effects of criticism and judgment are well documented in popular management and psychology books. Carl Rogers describes the use of “Unconditional Positive Regard” as a cornerstone of his model of counseling. In “The One Minute Manager“, Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson sing the effectiveness of praising.
Letting people know what they’re doing right encourages them to keep trying. However bad they are, if they persist they will get better. Often awesomely better. If you wait until they ask for help or feedback, they’re going to be really ready for the help or feedback.
It’s much more powerful to tell a kid what he can do than what he can’t do. “If you want to run, do it over on the grass, not by the pool.” “If you want to scream, scream into a pillow, or outside, not right next to me.” It’s much more powerful to sandwich one element of constructive criticism into a stream of praisefull comments.
The praise has to be sincere. This can be a challenge. When I listen to people sing, and they’re so nervous they’re badly off pitch, I can still think it’s a great song, or be touched by their open heart. Naming the good things encourages them. A few weeks later, when their nervousness abates, there pitch improves dramatically with no effort on their part. (This is in the context of helping them be less nervous, another topic entirely.)
Make praise your ally. Your friends and co-workers will love you for it.